I have to go to bed at nine o’clock Saturday night because I work six days a week. I do not have any money. But I work six days a week. Actually, seven. But I only do manual labor six days. Want to know why? Because I am stupid. And I think I must deserve it. 

Also my hands are very dry. The web between my index finger and thumb cracked while I was watching Moneyball. I never drink water any more. Only iced coffee with vanilla soy. Pretty weird. 

I am getting a weird gut. I started cooking like it was February 19th in late September and the effects are showing themselves. I do not like that. I am a vain man. 

If I were a junkie comma I would be a vein man. That was a stupid joke but not if you were once a punk rocker. 

Lots of ppl tell me their name and I forget it right away even though I say in my head over and over don’t forget his name his name is Matt 

MattMattMattMattMatt.

But then later comma I am like Matt or Mark? Mark was the guy who talked about his wife and sported a wedding ring but sounded like a fag and Mark might also be the black vegetarian dude who was asking where he could get good bread in the shithole vicinity of the airport. 

Whatevs. Beeteedubbs. 

I want to fuck Smarty and I want her to fuck the librarian from my kids’ school. I do not think it will work out because Smarty is watching Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill for the second time in a row tonite and I have no idea where the librarian is. Plus, life is too short for women who make less than six figures, even if they are willing to give it up in the stacks. 

You can hate but I speak the motherfucking gospel.

Catchphrase. Name. Location.