I hate when I act all cocky and then some other motherfucker beats me in a work type setting and especially if the woman is beautiful on top but is shaped like a bowling pin after that. AND she is rich AND her parents are famous AND whatever else I need to type here to get you on MY SIDE. Because it all comes down to what side a person is on. Most people who succeed are on their own side. I...
2217 : arrest me for your stories :
Do not read my stories aloud on the subway or you will be arrested. It happened to one of my best friends Saturday night and he spent the evening and most of the next day in jail. No fucking around. Shit is dangerous. I am telling the onehundred%truth. Snatched his brown ass up at 137th Street, slapped cuffs on him and took him away in a police car. What is happening to you, NYC? (Other than...
THAT SHIT IN THE QUEUE IS RIGHT UP THERE WITH ANY OF THE POSTS EVER ON THE NINE> HASHTAG MODERN
I felt the words welling up in me. I know it happened because this-and-that is happening and I foolishly thought I could employ those marauding thoughts to blast me through the place where I am stuck in my story. It is a place where a boy feels loved and it is a place he looks back on later in life as maybe the best time in his childhood that did not involve his absent mother or any other later...
Sometimes the smell of piss is sort of hot, right? Hashtag likeonballsandunderwearandstuffmaybe
add on 1611
I feel that my post from this morning can be taken as an insult by the reader. I apologize for my brashness and would like to include the fact that I will also be in that church lighting candles. THE MAN IS A GOD>
I'm not sayin. I'm just sayin.
Today is Bernard Cornwell’s birthday. All you little Internet flash writers who call yourselves “lit people” should visit the nearest church, light every available candle, and pray that you can one day be as good and prolific as that man.
THE BEST POST OF ALL TIME IS THE ONE I JUST READ ABOUT ME»»»»»OH I AM A VAIN MAN»»»»»»>META TAG IS TWO COOL WORDS PUT TOGETHER »»»CHILD NUMBER THREE OF FIVE IS ASKING FOR THIS SPACE SO SHE CAN DO HER STUPID HOMEWORK»»»>I AM TRYING TO BE CREATIVE UNTIL 30 ROCK COMES ON »»»»> SHE IS...
the bottle post is good, too. i do not know how to comment on here. so i do this. godbless you.
ten ten ten ten for everything everything...
Another thing. There is another guy. He is a little guy with mental problems. I unfortunately have to interact with him in a work capacity. I would like to pop him on his chin and see what happens. He ripped two boxes out of my hands. I know I can’t do anything but I want to wring his white trash neck. I apologize for being prejudiced against people who do not represent my race well but you...
OH OKAY I REMEMBER
I was going to say that I was all bummed out and shit but my daughter is fencing in the Arnold that weekend so I will able to occupy my mind and not be overswept with jealousy.
TY SAYS HI
Okay. That sex post made me completely forget about what I was going to type. Nice. I still want to press keys tho so here goes: I admit to being slightly jealous of you guys hanging out and me not getting to be there and meet dude’s woman and plus I have disgustingly sick friends in Chicago who would make our night way more exciting than sitting around talking about writing with stupid...
I sit back and look at sex sometimes it’s so animal. So primal. Basic. Paper and pen. No clothes. All skin, sight and smell. I put a dick in my mouth and I suck all over it and lick on it and it gets hard. A soft thing. The softest, smallest thing gets hard and long and big because I use my mouth on it. A hand tucks the dick against a stomach and I lap at a pair of testicles. I lick the...
A bottle rolls under seats and hits poles and spins forth and back on the floor, over discarded newspapers and candy wrappers. A baby screams and a woman with a hideous laugh inflicts it upon us. When I changed to this train a short man with a gray beard tried to push his way past me and he caught a shoulder and almost fell. When I heard the “Fuck you!” I responded the same, in front...
Hey. So. You guys make the bestest Nines. I read them and look around but there is never anyone around to high five. I think Ty is winning though. I dunno. Ty just gets IN there. And he’s not even trying. I can tell. I can tell he is all sweatpants and Fraggle Rock, a mouth full of yawn. He is over his own shoulder, wiping his hands on his pants, yelling back something he yelled back...
Is a nutsack really supposed to be the size of a grapefruit? With no clear two-ball divider? There is a lot of scrote variation in the locker room at the gym. That is why I am there: scrote research. That and the steam room where sometimes I can relax without some guy jerking off all over the place. Some people even go to the gym just to work out, allegedly. I wanted to end the story right there...
The thing about spit is that it stinks. Also, I know a female who accidentally sent me a picture of herself in a bath that was intended for her husband. She asked me to delete the picture. I totally did. Right into my email. And then iPhoto. I love you all. And have no fear. I will describe the photo to you every day for the rest of our lives.
The Scale of the Universe I am going to eat all of my spit until I am the width of a lemon rind. I am going to eat all of my spit because of how good it is for me. My own nutrients refilling the tiny cavities in my lingstrom, my flenulum, my spinoculous. I am going to eat all of my spit until the day I don’t catch the boy masturbating in his bed, the shower, the laundry room. I am going to eat...
I am going to make the world’s largest hamburger it will be revolting and teenagers in chef’s coats will gently lift it from my special made hillbilly broiler and food television cameras will film it and I will make a joke about wanting to bang that broad who shows all her teeth on her cooking show and everyone will laugh except for the lesbian who just cannot wait to do her feminist...
Feed a man your breasts before breakfast. At his request, lean over him— in the dark— lift your shirt and bra, let them fall into his mouth. Let him take them with his hands and tongue while you whimper because he knows exactly what he is doing and he does it so well. Reach down, under the blankets, and feel how hard his cock is. Wonder if it was like that before you began to feed him. Think...
The takeaway for me is that all women have brain damage, not just Ty’s ex. Right, xTx? (If she agrees there might be hope for her, but if she does not then that is just more evidence to support my statement.) Working two 40-hour jobs is fucking shitballsfuckhouse. That hurts me to even think about. But the game changes when you have kids, don’t it? I admire both of you for...
There was a girl a long time ago. A high school girl living in an apartment with two other girls and the two other girls’ mother. I was a year out of high school but still hanging around doing nothing. Or maybe I was doing something. Whatever. So yeah okay whatever I was hanging out one day after the girls got out of school. They had big titties and no daddy and their mom worked...
Banango, the Literary Blog: Notes on 4 Chapbooks →
banangolit: by Justin Carter I recently received the following chapbooks in my mail box: tiny people by Russ Woods, He Is Talking to the Fat Lady by xTx, I Don’t Respect Female Expression by Frank Hinton, and make-believe love-making by Ana C. I am going to write short reviews of each one and…
You know that hardish “pellet” of lotion that develops in the spigot of the lotion bottle if you haven’t pumped it in a while? Does that happen to your guys’ dicks ever?
Good point about MIA.
you watch one documentary about Pearl Jam and alla sudden your iPod is on shuffle with all of their songs and yer all, “I forgot how great Pearl Jam was.” and you remember when you first saw the Jeremy video and how you thought Eddie Vedder looked like an insane middle-aged science teacher and how could your boss’s daughter think he was attractive AT ALL. i ate so much food...
A friend of mine asked me to be his best man more than a decade ago and the night before his wedding he asked me if he was making a mistake and I said yes. He resented me for it. They married, I avoided giving a toast, they had three kids and he took pride in defying the prediction. He pointed out how wrong I was. All. The. Time. They are getting divorced now. She has cheated on him and is into...
hi i want to have sex with you
A computer heats up a whole room and I know this After he left me A stink in another room Closed with The heater still on Like wringing the warmth from A dead body I can be more solo than this I can watch me From me Seeing Nothing
I am typing in the middle of nowhere on a so-so street. Electric messages from my brain move my fingers. Someone bragged to me today that they know how to type without looking at the keys. I acted impressed and was all good for you. Even wore the expected smile. Here is the thing tho: I type so fast and hard sometimes that the keys fly off. I’ve even felt myself starting to have an out of...
I never liked the Beatles. That shit sounded stupid.
There have been a lot of starts but no finishes. What am I supposed to do with half-written stories? Beat them half-to-death? Give me double. I dunnno. The Beatles are way overrated. Everything hurts on the body. Moving does not feel good. Except fucking. Natch. Shoulders, neck, knees, foot, fingers. Gah. Falling apart should be more fun than this.
YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE YOU DONT HAVE A CLUE
DAD SAYS SHE CAN’T COME HOME ANYMORE AND HE MEANS IT
that’s a super funny gif with the IG in the woman’s hair. actually, not that funny. not because of the picture. but because i’ve been living with those horrible little dogs since 08. IG’s suck balls. I mean. Unless you are okay with piss and shit all over your house. If that’s okay, no worries. Fuck IG’s. FUCK THEM
If someone asks you to go snowboarding for the first time, understand that that means falling down a frozen mountain for several hours. My leg is still numb. Also, this: poutine is fun to eat like once - especially at a gay cafe with ab’d-out hunky men on the menu and rainbow flags and whatnot. Welcome to Canada. People are pretty chill and polite but after the bars closed, kids who were...
Please do not make a seven layer dip. Those are so 80’s. Upgrade! Upgrade! Upgrade! Plus, everyone always uses CANNED refried beans and we all know those taste like dirty paste. If you bring a 7 layer dip I will feel sorry for you. Cease and desist. Nine, I am sorry. I haven’t been around. Had a little “medical emergency” a few days ago that sort of set me off, sort of “took me aback”, sort...
I don’t think you can talk about progress in art—movement, but not progress. You...– Donald Barthelme