I was going to write something awesome but got distracted my Internet porn and forgot what it was and then I remembered: WE ARE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN TONIGHT THAT WE WILL NOT REMEMBER ANY OF IT TOMORROW
Prone to grand gestures
We try on hats when we are bored. They never fit or look good. Woman with annoying baby backpack. Please, lets have another conversation about how fucked this country is. I can talk about that forever. Do you ever open the refrigerator door and scan every shelf and not see a thing to eat even though there is stuff on the shelves and close the door and come back five minutes later to see if...
I am going somewhere to some thing I have been given a pass. There will be dancing and girls to mind fuck - wait - just so you don’t call me manipulative I mean girls to fuck in your mind - not fuck with their minds like o I love you but I can’t be with a fat girl or whatever minority or webbed toes or halitosis. well actually halitosis is a legit reason. i mean. that’s germs....
Thank you for writing “gray,” and not “grey” like some fake ass London wannabe
I busted one off to your profile pic.
It is difficult to masturbate when an ice cream truck is jingling outside. Lets walk through the city and play a game: “Dead or Sleeping?”
There was a gray and white gull’s feather in the bathroom all weekend. I was taking a piss when it flew in across the floor and settled against the wall right across from where I was sitting (THE TOILET). It stayed there Friday. It stayed there Saturday. It stayed there Sunday. It stayed there Monday. It stayed there through forty hundred shits and pisses. It stayed there through midnight...
Is the Nine still open for business?
Black and white photos of hot naked chicks drinking milk poorly. Tit tattoo of a heart with an arrow through it and a blank ribbon across the front waiting to be filled in with a name. Exposed toes and blue gators and zebra heels. Her face, a bruised peach with a long scar, and she begs for change and a man hands her coins and she sees his girlfriend’s bouquet of roses. “Can I have a...
Ugh. Full of poisons. Lumps. Gelatinous things with sinew, stringy and gripping. Ugh. Mixing around like a blender full of death. Is there a way to do a transplant of everything except your skin and eyes? Hook a brother up. HEY TY I AM GONNA DO A CLEANSE! I need to liquid drano my intestines. So fucking sick of the idiot I become when I drink too much. Oh, right, I didn’t tell you about...
Hi so I thought I would tell you some things like where I’ve been - here - but also I went to a fort. A real honest to goodness fort. There was a fat guy who was part of the cannon shooting crew. He looked like an Horatio Sans skit. Dude was like the giant q-tip man. The Rammer. That’s what the ladies call me by the way. It’s on acct of my stout dick. You can retweet or...
if u laugh when someone invites u to a poetry reading just know that your laughter is thoughtless and inconsiderate and might make them super mad at you. if u suddenly jump up and start performing an ad-libbed poem that begins with you screaming VIETNAM! and ends with a collapse after uttering “I am the mighty fallen oak,” all I’m sayin is that the inviter might not like u so...
becuz i love u 2 much baybee
Womens secretly want you to see their tits, especially the ones who say they do not. And mens secretly do not want you to see their penises (peni?) unless the cock is very large and sometimes if it is very small and the guy is into humiliation and some guys are. Let’s make the neighbors complain tonight.
God answers all knee-mails
I told her something beautiful and she screamed, “Don’t fucking recite lines from your stories to me, you fucking asshole! Especially stories you didn’t write about me, you fucking asshole!” I would not have repeated “you fucking asshole” in that moment, if it were me, and it was not obv. Sometimes repetition reinforces a concept but in this case it is...
If you are a writer (according to yourself), why do you try to hire a writer on the cheap? Oh wait. I already know the answer. Becuz your vomit copy “just needs a little polish.” That way, maybe the writer you hire will do it for free or fifty bucks or whatever you deem appropriate. Also. Maybe nobody told you. I fuckin hate writers, dude. #hiresomeothersucker
Plz. More fb pics of you hugging your woman. You are both ugly as fuck btw.
the sun beats inside the concrete box sparse with balloons while the brown man in the white chef’s hat beats tortillas like babies’ bottoms against the hot hump of a stove. we talk with the man and woman whose daughter is infamous for giving a boy a blowjob in 7th grade. she is there too and i keep staring at her mouth. wonder if her dad got a lot of shit down at the station. i think...
maybe u should face the fact that you are not nearly as clever as you and your mother say you are hashtagjustsayin
The lady with the petition on the clipboard keeps looking at me like I am on a raping spree. I see her almost every day. She stands in front of the library doors like a prison screw and I slide past because it is the only way for me to use the books kept inside on the shelves. In the stacks. The words “the stacks” make me think about college. Oh? You too? LOL. How funny. Yeah...
my ribs are all cracked or bruised or my diaphram is swollen or something i cannot self-diagnose due to my lack of medical training. All i know is there is liquid syrup settled in my lungs in the nighttime and when i reflexively try to get rid of it—-the convulsions pulling me from sleep—-the pain in my rips makes me double over. let me tell you it’s hard to double over when...
and by how are you i mean go fuck your mother bless
whether you want to admit it or not your friends all want to fuck your mannequin. they do it becuz shit is a contest and a big old me festival and becuz there is nothing else to do.
You never got me down, Ray.
Dear Gross Man I Play Online Video Poker With, Your name is Frank. Your black iPhone is in the lower foreground taking the picture of your reflection in the mirror. Your body is rotund and has a small head. You have a face made for child molesters and a gaping smile made for drooling over POV porn wherein the girl is on her knees “in front of you” telling you what a big cock you have an how she...
u can say twitter is fucking stupid but how else can a crippled ohio boy exchange supertroopers quotes with professional athletes? and by crippled i mean go fuck your mother bless
I wonder how many people you have sexed since me and I bet it is a lot quite a few hundredsthousands and there might have been a time (there was) when I cared because that is how big my ego was and see I thought that meant I cared about you still and really what that meant was that I could not handle another dude inside of you even though I never wanted to see that disgusting shit cave ever again...
So much of writing is hahaheehee hey everybody lookit me woo weee this shit is scorchin and clever hotdamn. I mean. Writers. What’s up with all the time wasting? Why don’t you just take a gander into the mirror and say hey look. I want hot ppl to let me fuck them. And imo, I’m better at writing than I am at anything else that gets a motherfucker laid. Pretty cut-and-dry right? ...
Seventeen times and not once yet the man with the white beard gave me a free beer and kids ran and shouted in the rain and porn gifs looped on my mind-screen and somebody who was not there called one a classic but I had never seen it but the titties were jiggly and I guess maybe. You can take narrative and shove it up your crusty butt okay. Bore. Ing. That is not how life is. We try to make...
jackoff vids for breakfast
hi i have been awake since three a.m. i fell asleep at nine p.m. everyone is sleeping here. everyone is sleeping everywhere. i can’t stop pooping. it’s from eating scrambled eggs and raw eggs. I can’t eat eggs. If I do I poop and burp egg burps like crazy. that is happening now. i drank pepsi and took tums but nothing is working. my butthole kinda burns too becuz i ate...
and while you were at school young mister i was talkin dirty to your mom on the internet
i drop pure fucking gold on here and you give me 0 notes. fuck all of you. and your fucking mothers. #justkidding#notreally#writingtakestoolong#iwipeboogersinlibrarybooks
if u watch the tina turner concert in holland or wherethefuckever in europe and u are high as fuck u will spend most of the time wondering if the backup singers are drag queens bless
“I don’t get that quote. Why would you keep your enemies closer?” LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!
Here’s a little something I’ve been wanting to say to you for a long time: gfymb.
Today It's 22 instead of 33
Under the covers holding statue-still whispering my breaths ripple-less. That’s how it is. Right now. Hoping this will make him not see me but knowing children are stupid and if a monster is going to get you, he’s going to get you, blankets or not. The candy that is the first to go is always the ones with nuts in them. A huge ass cockroach scuttles back under the box that’s been sitting in my...
The sounds in Japanese porn are as unbearable as children that are not your own and then this other time this guy said, “Can I have his email address?” and she said, “firstname.lastname@example.org. Why?” and he said, “So I can send him a fucking email. Jesus. What’s wrong with you?” Unrelated but still important.
Hong Kong is up for grabs London is full of Arabs We could be in Palestine...– e costello oliver’s army
I am willing to be your friend. However, I am not interested in being friends with the entire world. If you can deal with that, fine. If not. Carry on.
Hi. Do you ever do that thing where you allegedly get all high and then call some place that contains technical information required by yourself - expecting a machine or at best a phone tree - and then some real live person answers - AND THAT PERSON IS NOT THE PHONE ANSWERER BUT THE EXPERT - and you suddenly realize you don’t have a pen or paper in sight - nothing except a green Expo really...