The typewriter thing is working. Somehow it made the leg pee like old and forbidden or some shit. But like yeah I liked it. I have been looking at lots of pictures of beautiful women. I am happy I did well with a mate because that shit would totally depress me if I did not get to bang sexy broads my entire life. A couple were not so hot. But they knew how to DO shit. That fucking, in case you...
The Times ran an obituary for a one-hit wonder disco star who also dabbled in the pornographic arts. This last part, I did not know - even though her one hit was about porn. Go figure. Photo of her and her glossy lips from 1976. I immediately thought I should Google her cunt and masturbate to it and then I felt weird. She was 68 when she died and the idea of masturbating to an old dead lady...
Eat my pigfuck.
i am having terrible stomach cramps. it might be from eating my weight in thanksgiving. in other news: i never watch weird porn anymore. mostly pretty girls giving blowjobs. i have changed. also do you want to do drugs new year’s eve? i go to bed at eight tho. can you get lifted at like ten am? WOOOHOOOO babies. also. i put baileys in the whipped cream. i am a fucking pimp. and you are...
I WANT TO THROW YOU DOWN AND FUCK YOU> NOT I LOVE YOU NOT LETS CUDDLE JUST STR8UP FUCKING> AFTER THAT YOU CAN GO AWAY UNTIL I NEED YOUR SWEET PUSSY AGAIN> THAT IS THE LAW> GO BACK TO YOUR DESKS IN PEACE
This cornball who seemed to be on a first date said to the lady, “I love French literature. I motherfucking love French literature. I guarantee you I’ve read more French literature than you. Naw naw naw. It’s different than studying in school. I do it for fun. Balzac or whatever that dude’s name was, however you pronounce it. That shit is off the meat rack. Whose the...
Realming. And you are not allowed to come with - you goddamn clip. I have known for so long. But I let you do what you do because it took forever for me to figure your shit out. Plus I can’t believe it. I mean. WOW. But it is on me too because I stay in your life. Altho - it would be impossible to stop you. I mean. Some steps have been taken along the way. But then you always shamelessly...
“He’s too busy blowing up Google +.” See. I do not know those things. Thank you, Tia.
Have fun. Google image search, “Ty Bluesmith” ladybugs. unicorn sweat.
99% sure I got molested once while Muskrat Love was playing. Every time it comes on the radio I suddenly feel like i need to punch myself in the head with both fists and then crawl into a dark place with a shunt in my chest to let out the worms. Don’t me started on what I feel when Handyman by James Taylor starts playing.
Sometimes my friends are so bright it hurts to look at them and because I am an empty vessel that needs constant filling I can never get enough and things that should only normal hurt end up hurting more and why is everyone I cannot see so very beautiful? So very bright? Sunglasses don’t help and here, take this knife, it’s sharper. You stab in the dark and it feels like you are hitting nothing,...
It went something like this: ...
Hashtag it's my lucky day
* I dont know how I am supposed to keep up with you but I will try. I mostly ate candy today. I rounded it off with two different kinds of pasta at dinner. I basically feel good. I read something earlier that made me feel sad. It was about the British, and American slaves. See there was this battle in the Revolution in Virginia. The British promised the slaves that if they fought against their...
my mom just did a polite version of “Google it, cunt” to me
Hello to the Nines. I am not sitting in front of a rain-battered window nor am I picking up a cavalcade of small bits of clothing and toys from the shag of a carpet nor am I eating baked ziti like a fruit bat covered in flies. I am on a unicycle and I am performing in a circus and I am a thin, lithe blonde with average sized breasts who never talks to her family and who loves the color red, too,...
dont come inside me he didn’t. I wanted to take a photo of where he did. it was poetry.
The title of this post is: Why if you store my password must I verify everything on your login page? The alternate title - as always - is gofuckyourmotherbless. The next thing is as follows - oh - hold - me - pretty - baby Why does pop rap brag so much about being able to get hard drugs? So what? Any asshole can drive his 72 yr old father’s car around the ghetto and find a rock. ...
I had a bunch of beers but they did not work. Nearly had a road rage episode today but stopped myself. I imagined a tv judge chastising me on acct of I had my son in the car. Seriously tho dude I wanted to pound the other driver in his fucking skull. I think my temper issues run hand hyphen in hyphen hand with my sugar and caffeine issues. But you know maybe I should grow herbs in the fucking...
Alt Lit Gossip: QUOTE OF THE WEEK: XTX ON "NYC" →
I used to have curly hair. It was funny. Look at that funny old hair of mine! My black brown eyes! A man once told another man, “Oh, you’ll recognize her. Just look for the girl with the darkest eyes you’ve ever seen.” I walked into the hotel lobby… so old this lobby… and a man walked right up…
My vagina is lonelyosolonely. I got off to a porn the other night where this girl was licking guys’ assholes. They were on their hands and knees on some sort of futon dealie and she was kneeling on the ground. Girl was going to town on their buttholes, ballbacks, cockheads, so and so forth. Using her hands on them, etc. Don’t worry, they were all completely waxed. Hairless fetus men. It’s...
jacksonnieuwland: I am a hand puppet. Fist me
I am sitting here with a baby in my lap. I am looking thru the window waiting for the school bus. I just showered. I typed for two hours. I listened to a good playlist on Spotify. If you subscribe to me you can hear it too. I also have a second playlist waiting to be heard. The first one is seven plus hours tho. The baby on my right leg will not hold still. Air Kung Fu. Plus she has the hiccups....
Hi guys. I try to do the typing but nothing is coming out. Remember when we used to bust our nuts all over the nine? Like, “Get out the mops, Sergio! There they go again!” And we’d be all waving our dicks around, slapping each other’s dicks out of the way like, “My turn!” “No man, MY turn!” “Fuck that! Bogarter! Move that shit out the way!” All our dicks crazy in the air like sprinkler-filled...
Waiting for your prompt response
love213 email@example.com via bounce.secureserver.net 12:11 AM Hi. How are you? I am beautiful woman! I want to find a man for a serious relationship. If you are interested in getting acquainted with me, tell me. I’ll wait for your letter. Maybe what you’re the one I was looking for a long time. Maybe you’re my other half! Waiting for a response from you.
So like I saw this dude lay down on his stomach on the subway platform across from me and he stuck his head out over the tracks and reached for something and I looked to see if a train was coming because if it was it would chop his head right off (awesome) and this lady on my side of the tracks said something to the dude just loud enough that everyone around her would hear — but not the guy...
GFYMB YES. A TUBE SHAPED WAD OF COTTON PUSHED INTO MY VAGINAL CANAL. NOW YOU ARE GETTING HOT. LOOK AT THAT BONER FILLING WITH BLOOD. LOTS OF BLOOD INVOLVED WITH THINGS. 13 ASSASSINS HAD LOTS OF BLOOD. i asked a man to kiss another man and pass along a message. the chances are zero that he did this. oh well
I just deleted everything I wrote today.
I was going to write something great for The Nine but Beavis & Butt-Head came on and you know the rest bless
XTX AT ELIMAE