February 2012
42 posts
add on 1611
I feel that my post from this morning can be taken as an insult by the reader. I apologize for my brashness and would like to include the fact that I will also be in that church lighting candles. THE MAN IS A GOD>
I'm not sayin. I'm just sayin.
Today is Bernard Cornwell’s birthday. All you little Internet flash writers who call yourselves “lit people” should visit the nearest church, light every available candle, and pray that you can one day be as good and prolific as that man.
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THE BEST POST OF ALL TIME IS THE ONE I JUST READ ABOUT ME»»»»»OH I AM A VAIN MAN»»»»»»>META TAG IS TWO COOL WORDS PUT TOGETHER »»»CHILD NUMBER THREE OF FIVE IS ASKING FOR THIS SPACE SO SHE CAN DO HER STUPID HOMEWORK»»»>I AM TRYING TO BE CREATIVE UNTIL 30 ROCK COMES ON »»»»> SHE IS...
the bottle post is good, too. i do not know how to comment on here. so i do this. godbless you.
ten ten ten ten for everything everything...
Another thing. There is another guy. He is a little guy with mental problems. I unfortunately have to interact with him in a work capacity. I would like to pop him on his chin and see what happens. He ripped two boxes out of my hands. I know I can’t do anything but I want to wring his white trash neck. I apologize for being prejudiced against people who do not represent my race well but you...
OH OKAY I REMEMBER
I was going to say that I was all bummed out and shit but my daughter is fencing in the Arnold that weekend so I will able to occupy my mind and not be overswept with jealousy.
TY SAYS HI
Okay. That sex post made me completely forget about what I was going to type.
Nice.
I still want to press keys tho so here goes:
I admit to being slightly jealous of you guys hanging out and me not getting to be there and meet dude’s woman and plus I have disgustingly sick friends in Chicago who would make our night way more exciting than sitting around talking about writing with stupid...
805
I sit back and look at sex sometimes it’s so animal. So primal. Basic. Paper and pen. No clothes. All skin, sight and smell. I put a dick in my mouth and I suck all over it and lick on it and it gets hard. A soft thing. The softest, smallest thing gets hard and long and big because I use my mouth on it. A hand tucks the dick against a stomach and I lap at a pair of testicles. I lick the...
15 tags
1111
A bottle rolls under seats and hits poles and spins forth and back on the floor, over discarded newspapers and candy wrappers. A baby screams and a woman with a hideous laugh inflicts it upon us.
When I changed to this train a short man with a gray beard tried to push his way past me and he caught a shoulder and almost fell. When I heard the “Fuck you!” I responded the same, in front...
2115
Hey. So. You guys make the bestest Nines. I read them and look around but there is never anyone around to high five. I think Ty is winning though. I dunno. Ty just gets IN there. And he’s not even trying. I can tell. I can tell he is all sweatpants and Fraggle Rock, a mouth full of yawn. He is over his own shoulder, wiping his hands on his pants, yelling back something he yelled back...
2338
Is a nutsack really supposed to be the size of a grapefruit? With no clear two-ball divider? There is a lot of scrote variation in the locker room at the gym. That is why I am there: scrote research. That and the steam room where sometimes I can relax without some guy jerking off all over the place. Some people even go to the gym just to work out, allegedly. I wanted to end the story right there...
2106
The thing about spit is that it stinks. Also, I know a female who accidentally sent me a picture of herself in a bath that was intended for her husband. She asked me to delete the picture. I totally did. Right into my email. And then iPhoto.
I love you all. And have no fear. I will describe the photo to you every day for the rest of our lives.
1120
The Scale of the Universe
I am going to eat all of my spit until I am the width of a lemon rind. I am going to eat all of my spit because of how good it is for me. My own nutrients refilling the tiny cavities in my lingstrom, my flenulum, my spinoculous. I am going to eat all of my spit until the day I don’t catch the boy masturbating in his bed, the shower, the laundry room. I am going to eat...
2013
I am going to make the world’s largest hamburger it will be revolting and teenagers in chef’s coats will gently lift it from my special made hillbilly broiler and food television cameras will film it and I will make a joke about wanting to bang that broad who shows all her teeth on her cooking show and everyone will laugh except for the lesbian who just cannot wait to do her feminist...
1538
Feed a man your breasts before breakfast. At his request, lean over him— in the dark— lift your shirt and bra, let them fall into his mouth. Let him take them with his hands and tongue while you whimper because he knows exactly what he is doing and he does it so well.
Reach down, under the blankets, and feel how hard his cock is. Wonder if it was like that before you began to feed him. Think...
1145
The takeaway for me is that all women have brain damage, not just Ty’s ex.
Right, xTx? (If she agrees there might be hope for her, but if she does not
then that is just more evidence to support my statement.) Working two
40-hour jobs is fucking shitballsfuckhouse. That hurts me to even think
about. But the game changes when you have kids, don’t it? I admire both of
you for...
427
There was a girl a long time ago.
A high school girl living in an apartment with two other girls and the two other girls’ mother. I was a year out of high school but still hanging around doing nothing.
Or maybe I was doing something. Whatever.
So yeah okay whatever I was hanging out one day after the girls got out of school. They had big titties and no daddy and their mom worked...
Banango, the Literary Blog: Notes on 4 Chapbooks →
banangolit:
by Justin Carter
I recently received the following chapbooks in my mail box: tiny people by Russ Woods, He Is Talking to the Fat Lady by xTx, I Don’t Respect Female Expression by Frank Hinton, and make-believe love-making by Ana C.
I am going to write short reviews of each one and…
1053
You know that hardish “pellet” of lotion that develops in the spigot of the lotion bottle if you haven’t pumped it in a while?
Does that happen to your guys’ dicks ever?
Good point about MIA.
843
you watch one documentary about Pearl Jam and alla sudden your iPod is on shuffle with all of their songs and yer all, “I forgot how great Pearl Jam was.” and you remember when you first saw the Jeremy video and how you thought Eddie Vedder looked like an insane middle-aged science teacher and how could your boss’s daughter think he was attractive AT ALL.
i ate so much food...
9 tags
1000
A friend of mine asked me to be his best man more than a decade ago and the night before his wedding he asked me if he was making a mistake and I said yes. He resented me for it. They married, I avoided giving a toast, they had three kids and he took pride in defying the prediction. He pointed out how wrong I was. All. The. Time. They are getting divorced now. She has cheated on him and is into...
hi i want to have sex with you
A computer heats up a whole room and
I know this
After he left me
A stink in another room
Closed with
The heater still on
Like wringing the warmth from
A dead body
I can be more solo than this
I can watch me
From me
Seeing
Nothing
1936
I am typing in the middle of nowhere on a so-so street. Electric messages from my brain move my fingers. Someone bragged to me today that they know how to type without looking at the keys. I acted impressed and was all good for you. Even wore the expected smile. Here is the thing tho: I type so fast and hard sometimes that the keys fly off. I’ve even felt myself starting to have an out of...
GBH
I never liked the Beatles. That shit sounded stupid.
13 tags
1702
There have been a lot of starts but no finishes. What am I supposed to do with half-written stories? Beat them half-to-death? Give me double. I dunnno. The Beatles are way overrated. Everything hurts on the body. Moving does not feel good. Except fucking. Natch. Shoulders, neck, knees, foot, fingers. Gah. Falling apart should be more fun than this.
YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE YOU DONT HAVE A CLUE
DAD SAYS SHE CAN’T COME HOME ANYMORE AND HE MEANS IT
IFUCKINGRIDE
1700
that’s a super funny gif with the IG in the woman’s hair. actually, not that funny. not because of the picture. but because i’ve been living with those horrible little dogs since 08. IG’s suck balls. I mean. Unless you are okay with piss and shit all over your house. If that’s okay, no worries. Fuck IG’s. FUCK THEM
1419
If someone asks you to go snowboarding for the first time, understand that that means falling down a frozen mountain for several hours. My leg is still numb. Also, this: poutine is fun to eat like once - especially at a gay cafe with ab’d-out hunky men on the menu and rainbow flags and whatnot. Welcome to Canada. People are pretty chill and polite but after the bars closed, kids who were...
758
Please do not make a seven layer dip. Those are so 80’s. Upgrade! Upgrade! Upgrade! Plus, everyone always uses CANNED refried beans and we all know those taste like dirty paste. If you bring a 7 layer dip I will feel sorry for you. Cease and desist.
Nine, I am sorry. I haven’t been around. Had a little “medical emergency” a few days ago that sort of set me off, sort of “took me aback”, sort...
1 tag
“I don’t think you can talk about progress in art—movement, but not progress. You...”
– Donald Barthelme
January 2012
69 posts
1610
So there are ppl following me. They are trying to give me award.
They are trying to run in my brain. They are the doctor police. And the cops. And the delivery vans are filled with undercover agents trying to make me fall in love with everything.
You can say yeah you are crazy and I will be like okay because I will tell myself that you are stupid. Problem solved. Problem solving skills are a...
Eat My Balls
I have to go to bed at nine o’clock Saturday night because I work six days a week. I do not have any money. But I work six days a week. Actually, seven. But I only do manual labor six days. Want to know why? Because I am stupid. And I think I must deserve it.
Also my hands are very dry. The web between my index finger and thumb cracked while I was watching Moneyball. I never drink water...
2012
I thought about sex all day. I think about sex all day every day. Five things keep me from having sex. They are organic materials.
Organic ruiners of sex.
So I think of lovely things like long legs and knee high socks and my mouth on a trim pussy. And I want to jack off but it leaves me feeling so hollow. I want to be inside her. That tight pussy wrapped around my dick while I hit it from the...
859
Blue speckled eggs that look like take me away that look like rescue in a can that will make things different for me that are so tiny yet I beg them. They are little oval prayers.
Christ in a cup.
Bless me Father for I have sinned. How many times can he hear this before he gets tired of all the blessing? How long before he realizes some sinners do not stop cannot stop.
Still, I feel I deserve...
2044
My hips are going somewhere. I don’t know. Maybe Pakistan. I think they know springtime is best there. They are getting an early start, perhaps. Probably via bus and train then a boat, I presume. There is ocean between my hips and Pakistan. I hope they take my thighs with them. Hate lifting those fuckers just to wipe my cooch. The heft of them is tiresome.
I think I will leave out some...
2137
The post about the cherries is nice.
Also. i just read a list about a tv show I never heard of. That made me feel superior.
I am kind of itchy and watching two of the greatest tennis players of the day and also ever play on live tv from across the globe. I know the writers are going to say oh I don’t like sports. And I want you to know that it is okay. I am not going to judge you based on...